When expressing an apology?? , the most crucial application of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) perhaps lies in the way we treat ourselves ☝?.
When we make mistakes, we can use the process of grieving and self-forgiveness that NVC proposes to show us where we can grow instead of getting stuck in a series of moralistic judgments.
By evaluating our behaviors in terms of our unmet needs?, the impetus to make a change does not come from shame?, guilt?, anger? or depression?, but from an authentic desire to contribute to our well-being and that of others?.
Do you prefer me to say “I’m sorry??” or make you see that I care about you??
Apologies are often associated with shame? and no real connection or healing. Still, people like to listen?? “I’m sorry, excuse me or forgive me.” They want to know that the other person cares about them and recognizes whether or not their action helped meet their needs.
An apology within Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is much more than saying “I’m sorry.”
Does it require empathy to connect with the experience of another? and honest expression to connect and express your own experience?. The two processes give clarity about the four connecting elements: observation?, feeling❤️, need? and request??
We can also start an apology conversation after going through the grieving process and learning what we regret having done.
Express an apology
Regardless of the twists and turns of a conversation-interaction, when expressing an apology it is important to stay focused on the initial triggering event and hold tight to the essential elements of a giraffe apology?:
✅ Observation?: identify the action that failed to satisfy the needs? in clear and neutral terms.
✅ Self-empathy??♀️: if I react with anger, guilt or defensiveness when I notice that my actions did not satisfy the needs of the other. Important to stop? to be able to see my jackals (judgments towards me/the other), respect my own feelings and needs before moving on?
✅ Empathy?: listening to feelings ❤️ and needs? of the other person. Clarify exactly what you are reacting to, the action that did not satisfy your needs (observation) and express these unmet needs in the other?
✅ Honest expression?: express in terms of observation what I did, express my feelings and needs that were not satisfied by my action?.
✅ Request ✋?: indicate what I agree to do differently in a similar situation so that the needs of both are met?.
